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Antidote for Control

I hate roller coasters!! Not only roller coasters but also all the thrilling rides with potential to make my heart skipped a beat. That is why if you see big bald guy hanging around the bench in the themepark with so many bags around him, that would most probably be me!! Yes I am that guy who helps to take care of others' bags when they enjoy themselves being dropped off from heights, flipped around, and turned here and there. I am 1500% sure that that bench guy role was created for me. 

So what do I do when I visit themepark? Our family normally will focus on the shows, entertainments, and family friendly rides (where toddler is allowed!!). There were only several cases where Gil could make me buy in to get into the line. Her pitch normally sounds like this: come on we have come so far away and you are not willing to try. That sales pitch combined with her smile works like wonder. However this only happened in very very special situation. Raimond and Roller Coaster are not made for each other.

I always tell this one story when people asked me why do I hate roller coaster. One day in Indonesia I was riding the roller coaster without any safety equipment. The restrainer that was supposed to hold my body during the flipping and dropping did not work. By right you could hear the click sound when the restrainer is fastened to the seat. Nevertheless I don't know why at that that time it just didn't click and before I could shout anything to the attendant the car was already moving!! In my life I had several near death experiences and this was one of them. That was the most horrifying 2-3 mins in my life. I was pressing down the restrainer into my body the whole ride and if I say it is only by the grace of God I could be here today I really mean it!! 

That experience is one thing but after I reflect and ponder on my life further I realize that the root of the issue is me being the control freak I am. I like to have everything in my control so I could plan all the things according to my schedule and needs. I just don't like surprises because it is just plainly wrecking my plan. I do all this thinking and planning so I could feel safe and comfortable. That is why I am also struggling with uncertainties (you could read my previous post on embracing uncertainties). This is why I don't like riding roller coaster or any other thrilling rides, with the worst is normally the first time, realizing that I don't know what is going to happen next and I could not do anything about it.

During my sabbatical leave God really speaks a lot to me on this matter. Through the experience of not having been able to have a job and plan in details of my next move He has brought me into realization that this control freak thing is not helping me at all. It makes me in constant alert and worry without being able to enjoy the ride. At one point it just drained my energy and my joy instead of enjoying the moment, because I keep creating scenarios over scenarios even before they happen. Moreover for each scenario I am preparing a plan how to navigate and excel in the situation. Never ending mess!!

I am truly grateful that God revealed to me the antidote to this controlling behavior. They are called trust and enjoy. It has to start with taking trust pill first before proceeding to enjoy syrup for a cure to our controlling disease. Trust will enable us to enjoy. To be able to trust something or someone we need to know them first. We can place our trust to someone/something that we know that will keep us safe. There is no greater guarantee than trusting our life to the hands of the Father. Spending time and be still in His word and presence is a good place to start. Our trust and accordingly our ability to enjoy the ride of our life, will grow as we constantly being immersed in the revelation of His love through every time spent with Him. It is just like we are riding the roller coaster for the second and third time when we already know what to expect from the ride and we can start trusting the operator.

Knowledge gives birth to Trust. Trust to ability to Enjoy. I might not be ready to give roller coaster a chance yet. However I am willing to give Jesus a chance as He gave me the chance to live through the Cross. Ready to surrender the controlling key to Him who loves me.

Don't miss out on life. Give Jesus a chance.

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