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Letting Go

I have an issue of letting go stuff. Ask my wife. I am always nervous when my wife says that she is going to do spring cleaning. That is why I want to make her happy every day. When she is upset she has the tendency to clean up and do things around the house. It makes her relax. Yes for sure it makes her relax because the things that she usually throws away are MY things. She always denies this and says that she also throws away her stuff. I just could not believe her. How can it be possible that she says she has thrown away her bags while I could still see tons of bags laying around the house. When I confront her she will say these bags are the gifts from you and I do not want to throw them away. Check mate. I just let her target my stuff.

I am always wondering why do we need to let go stuff either to give or throw it away. I have a strong emotional bond with my stuff as we have some history together. The valid reason that my wife always tells me is we don't have any more space. This is quite true since we have a toddler and upcoming baby. There is never enough space if you have a toddler and a baby. Even if you live in Botanic Garden there is still not enough space!! Kidding aside space is important. When we don't have enough space we could not fit in new stuff in our place because the old stuff is taking up space that we could use to fit in new things. What makes it worse is that old stuff might have been broken for a while. We are guilty of setting aside function for emotion. One example that really pops in my mind is in my house in Jakarta there is an old broken treadmill that is still gloriously hang around. When I ask my mom about it she says that we should not throw it away because we could use it for something else. Tada!! Now in our house we have an old treadmill with lots of clothes hanging on it. My mom is a magician!! She turned a treadmill into an open closet to hang her clothes. Amazing.

When I ponder about my own tendency not to let go I came to a conclusion that it might be coming from the way I see these old things. I feel like I got these old stuff as I am entitled to them or I have earned them with hard work. When somebody asks me to get rid of these stuff I have a mental block that is telling me I deserve these things because I work hard to get them or because someone recognize my value and status they give these things as an appreciation to me. Thus even though they are already broken and not functioning anymore I want to keep them because they remind me of my value and my achievements. Emotional over functional. It explains to me why I still keep the old stuff that my ex gave me last time until my wife found them and either throwed them away or burned them!! My wife understands there is an emotional bridge that needs to be brought down for I and her to build a strong relationship.

Applying what I have shared above to our relationship with God, I just realize how many times we might have missed God's promises and provisions in our lives because we are still holding back to last season's promises and provisions. Our hands are still holding these things tight as if we are still living in the past season. Because of that we could not fulfill our potential in the current season. We could not receive and respond to His giving because there is not enough space and room in our lives for the new things from Him. These barriers could be good things from the past, i.e. blessings, miracles, etc. but they could also be bitterness, hatred, hurt, bondage, etc. that we refused to let go to God. In the end we just walk away and choose to live in the past rather than following Jesus and walking with Him. In the end we are missing out our blessings or in the harshest way our destiny in God just like the rich ruler in the bible who could not let go his earthly possessions to follow Jesus.

When I read the story again I realized that this young ruler could not give up his possessions because he feels he deserved to be happy for working hard in his life. He probably realized that he could not afford to loose everything and live like Jesus and His disciples, especially when he has been working hard to earn a good life that he has. Maybe he also thought that if Jesus and I not working out I have to start over and work hard again to earn my good life. It is the same mental block that I have to let go old things. When we think we deserve this and that due to we are entitled to it or earned it we will never be able to let go things to God and let Him replace them with something better for us. When it comes to pain and disappointment we might reject Jesus' invitation to give them to Him because we think we deserve to be angry and disappointed due to what others have done to us. We are entitled to the rights to receive apology or see them suffers as payback to what they have done to us. Until that happens we refuse to let go.

To be able to let go I believe we need to start living undeservedly. If we see and live our lives as undeserved and all because of grace of God and His goodness we will live a very different kind of lives. If God asked to let go things I will let go because I don't deserve them anyway and I believe God loves me and has great plan to give me better things, again not because I deserve them but because of His grace and goodness. When releasing hurt, pain, and forgiveness keep remembering who do we give up those memories to. We are giving it to Jesus who understand and always want the best for us. We don't deserve to be treated that way but if Jesus want us to let them go that means He wants to replace them with something much better: joy, peace, and restoration. If we really think about it lives that we are living today are undeserved. The hope that we have today is undeserved. The eternal life is undeserved. All that we have and receive today is only possible because Jesus died on the cross undeservedly. He did not deserve that kind of treatment. He did not deserve to be punished. He did not deserve to die on that cross. He is the Son of God without blemish and sin. He did not have to die on that cross but He gave His life anyway so we could receive His grace and we do not have to be punished deservedly for our tresspasses. 

Let go the very last thing we want to let go. Barrenness  will change to abundance. Pain into joyful singing. Desperation to hope. Loneliness to embrace. Selfishness to compassion. Ordinary to extraordinary. Natural to supernatural. Challenges to miracles. Own strength to His Spirit.





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